Ep. 107: Pregnancy & Postpartum Secrets Every Mom Should Know With Elisabeth Van Der Wilt
SHOW NOTES
In this episode of the Vetiver Vibes podcast, host Nikki Fraser welcomes Elisabeth van der Wilt, a Certified Holistic Women's Health Coach and doula based in Englefield, Saskatchewan. Elisabeth specializes in supporting women over 30 during their reproductive years, offering a comprehensive range of services through her Fruitful Womb Doula Service, which includes support for fertility, pregnancy, breastfeeding, postpartum, menopause, and loss.
We dive deep into the world of doulas, exploring the differences between doulas and midwives, and why having a doula can be a game-changer during the birthing process. Elisabeth shares her personal journey into becoming a doula, which began at a young age with her fascination with pregnancy and childbirth.
Throughout the episode, we discuss the numerous benefits of having a doula, emphasizing the emotional, physical, and informational support they provide. Elisabeth highlights the importance of empowering birthing individuals to use their voices and make informed choices during labour. We also touch on the various techniques doulas use to support their clients, such as position changes, massage, and the use of tools like TENS machines and combs for pain relief.
A significant portion of our conversation focuses on the misconceptions surrounding birth, particularly how Hollywood often portrays it in a chaotic and unrealistic manner. Elisabeth shares her insights on how to prepare for birth, including the value of creating a birth plan and the importance of having open discussions with partners and medical professionals about preferences and boundaries.
We also explore the role of aromatherapy in the birthing process, discussing which essential oils can be beneficial and how to use them effectively. Elisabeth shares her experiences with different scents and their impact on labour, emphasizing the need for flexibility as preferences can change during the birthing experience.
As we wrap up the episode, Elisabeth offers valuable advice on setting boundaries and learning to say no, not just in the context of birth but in life overall. She encourages listeners to trust themselves and their instincts, reinforcing the idea that they are the best advocates for their own health and well-being.
Join us for this enlightening conversation that aims to empower and inform anyone interested in the birthing process, whether they are expecting parents, aspiring doulas, or simply curious about holistic women's health. Don't forget to check out Elisabeth's resources at Fruitful Womb Doula Service and connect with her on social media for more tips and information.
Connect with Elisabeth
Connect with Elisabeth at fruitfulwomb.ca
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fruitfulwombdoula/
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00:00:00 - Welcome to Vetiver Vibes
00:00:25 - Introducing Elisabeth van der Wilt
Introduction of guest Elisabeth van der Wilt, a holistic women's health coach and doula.00:01:16 - Passion for Doula Work
Elisabeth shares her journey to becoming a doula and her passion for supporting women.00:02:09 - Difference Between Doula and Midwife
Discussion on the roles and differences between doulas and midwives.00:04:09 - Benefits of Having a Doula
Exploration of the advantages of having a doula during childbirth.00:06:35 - Supporting the Birthing Process
Overview of the various ways doulas support birthing individuals.00:09:14 - Importance of Nourishment During Labour
Discussion on the need for food and hydration during labour.00:10:11 - Unexpected Birth Experiences
Sharing personal anecdotes about unexpected birth scenarios.00:12:28 - Aromatherapy in Doula Practice
Elisabeth discusses the use of aromatherapy during labour.00:18:04 - Using Essential Oils
Insights on the best practices for using essential oils during childbirth.00:21:04 - Birth Plans: Guidelines vs. Plans
Discussion on the importance of birth plans and how they serve as guidelines.00:24:54 - Navigating Challenges with Practitioners
Tips on how to handle challenges from medical practitioners during labour.00:26:23 - Empowering the Birthing Person
Encouragement for birthing individuals to use their voice and set boundaries.00:30:09 - Natural Pain Relief Options
Overview of non-medical pain relief methods available during labour.00:35:10 - The Value of a Doula
Discussion on the importance of investing in doula support during childbirth.00:39:49 - Final Thoughts and Tips
Elisabeth shares final tips on empowerment and self-advocacy for birthing individuals.00:41:32 - Connecting with Elisabeth
Information on how to find and connect with Elisabeth van der Wilt.00:41:57 - Closing Remarks
Wrap-up of the episode and encouragement to share and review the podcast. -
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Vetiver Vibes podcast, where your hosts, Nikki Fraser and Rachael Dean, certified clinical aromatherapists. We are excited to have you here on today's episode, where you know that you'll get the best essential oil scoop.
Nikki: This episode is brought to you by Essentria a leading online school for aromatherapy. If you want to learn more about how to become a clinical aromatherapist, check out the courses at www.schoolofessentia.com. Welcome to this week's episode of Vetiver Vibes. Nikki Fraser here with Elisabeth van der Wilt. Elisabeth is a certified holistic women's health coach and doula based in Englefield, Saskatchewan. She specializes in supporting women over 30 during their reproductive years. Fruitful Womb Doula Service is a one-stop-shop support of help through fertility, pregnancy, breastfeeding, postpartum, menopause, and loss. She is also a Yoni steaming facilitator and is passionate about whole body health, herbalism, and nourishment. When she isn't working as a doula and coach, she is a preschool teacher and lives on a farm with her family. Welcome to the podcast.Elisabeth: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. You kind of have introduced me already. So yeah, I'm just Elisabeth.
Nikki: Yeah, awesome. I this topic is near and dear to my heart. I am trained as a doula as well. And I just love pregnancy. I love pregnancy. I love birth. I love all of that. So I absolutely when I get to talk to other doulas, other people who are passionate about this topic, it just kind of lights me up a little bit more. But for all of our guests, we always ask, we always ask, what is your favourite essential oil?
Elisabeth: My favourite essential oil is either a mix of lavender, peppermint. Peppermint I always use for my headaches. I have a lot of headaches. So that's like a very good one to put on your forehead and the chilling sensation. I'm like, yeah. Absolutely.
Nikki: Nice, nice. So diving into today's topic, I'd love to know what made you want to become a doula?
Elisabeth: Well, I always ask if it's a long or short story. Either one. OK. Well, the long story would probably be the fact that when I was 11 years old, I got my first period. And unlike a lot of other people, I was the type that I was like, oh my, this is so exciting. It was like a little kid on Christmas. I don't know why. I've always had a passion for wanting to be an adult. So childhood, I was like, I'm over this. This is yesterday's news, OK? This is the start of that. So I had seen my uncle in the mall even, and I had actually even told him about my period because I was super excited. I'm like, guess what? I had to buy pads. So I was just that kind of person to start with that. So I was reading all the books. I was just diving in. Pregnancy books, all of them. The librarians, they thought I was maybe a little weird. I don't know what they thought I was on. I absolutely adored it. And so from there, I ended up going to like, just kind of was deciding if I wanted to be a midwife or not. And I just am not the best with rash on the spot decisions. So I kind of from there decided, you know, maybe that's just not the right field of me. So I actually went to university for business instead. And I was failing that miserably. Funny enough, because I ended up opening my own. But anyway, from there, that is when one of the local moms in my homeschooling group, she was saying that this school was having an opening for their cohort to be a doula. And I thought, oh, that's a course you take when you're pregnant. And I was like, nothing of it. She's like, no, it's a career. And I'm like, wait, what? So I asked my father, I'm like, how upset would you be if I decided to drop out of university and go to do this instead? And he's like, as long as you'll be happy. And I have been happy since I haven't looked back. So it's, it's definitely been a great passion of mine.
Nikki: Amazing, amazing. And it is. There is a difference. You mentioned midwife and doula. So can you maybe go over what is the difference between the two? Because I think a lot of people don't necessarily recognize the difference or don't realize that a doula and midwife are very, very different.
Elisabeth: They are. And It is like, probably if you ask any doula, they'll be like, this is the most repetitive question I've had to answer. But a midwife is someone that actually helps the mother or the father or whoever delivering the baby. So she actually does the more hands-on, more medical-type support. Whereas a doula, we're not that. We're more of like a birth coach. So our three pillars are the emotional support, the physical, and the informational. So those are our three pillars that we kind of live by. And my personal favourite of those is the emotional. I really love being there. And I always like to say I'm like a little mini therapist. I just, I get to listen to her, your best friend that you would rant to about anything, so. Yeah.
Nikki: And like you said, there is that difference. The midwife is more medical. So you have the option of an OB or a midwife in Canada. So they just replaced the OB and they're much more if you have kind of a standard pregnancy, a midwife is going to be amazing to have. You don't have any complications, you don't need You can birth at home, you can birth in the hospital. If they have access to a birthing center, you can go there, things like that. So they very much replace that OB, but still offer all the medical training as well. And that was for my last pregnancy, it was a surrogacy and the intended parents in their country, they didn't have, they thought the doula was the midwife. And so they didn't understand. And so I had to really go over that of like not all countries even have midwives, so they didn't understand this whole doula and what the purpose is and that versus, like you said, the doula is really there just to offer that support to the birthing person, to their spouse, their partner, their children maybe who are there. It's really what you need in this spot, kind of like you said, that little person who's there supporting you along the way, which is absolutely fantastic. Can you go over, what are the benefits of having a doula?
Elisabeth: Oh, well, that feels like a long list. I think the biggest one, though, that I I'll say of a benefit is just having someone that is there to kind of support you in using your voice. So a lot of times, regardless of where or who's helping you give birth, we often think that they're the person that just they call the shots when a lot of the times it's you that calls the shots. And when you have a doula that's there and they really are wanting you to use your voice, So you start thinking more on yourself a little bit on what things you want. When I have prenatals, I really go over all the different birth planning options. And from there, that kind of gives them a little bit more of the ability to listen to their voice. So what things do they want? Do they really want to give birth laying on their back? Is that something that really is like, oh yeah, I'll just do it.
Nikki: Not many do, mind you. I actually did give birth on my back by choice, my second one. I was half asleep. I did hypnobirthing. I was half asleep and I didn't want to move. So there are the odd, but it is, I'm going to say 99.9% of the time, it is the worst position to birth on.
Elisabeth: So yeah, don't birth on your… From what I've seen of people, it's just, yeah. To me, it doesn't make sense because we need gravity. So I always like to try to tell people, I'm like, you know, and I think providers are starting to get it a little bit more. Some of them. Most do.
Nikki: If you're not an OB, most do. I'll clarify that.
Elisabeth: Yes. Well, I mean, I live in Saskatchewan of Canada. So some of our OBs are kind of shifting a little bit. They are accepting a little bit.
Nikki: Most stars here are not yet. And OBs are fantastic for a lot of things. I don't want our listeners to think that we're harping on OBs because that's not at all the case. They just have rules that they need to follow, unfortunately. Even I've had some OBs who say, you know, I wish But I can't. So sometimes the thoughts are tied.
Elisabeth: Yeah. Yeah. Which hopefully, maybe one day, podcasts like this will get to the hierarchy of even that kind of system to change some of the rules. Absolutely. Absolutely. But yeah, those are just some of the benefits of really having that support. And like you said before, just getting extra hands to kind of help you along with things. Someone to have an extra little bit of brain and information to give you. I think that's one of the biggest benefits.
Nikki: When you're there supporting someone birthing, what are kind of the top things that you're usually doing?
Elisabeth: position changes. I'm often like, you know, if they're kind of like getting really sick of that one, I'll kind of recommend like, hey, would you like to try this one? Or would you like to try to do go in the shower, or massage? I had one time a client where she had complimented my hands, that they were very soft. So my entire role since she felt how soft they were, was to to touch her like on her back or there was one time where just the repetitive motion of me dragging like two three fingers along her arm and shoulder that really was just kind of like a tune things out and focus on that instead a little bit of a sensation so Oftentimes, as much as possible, I like to get my hands involved wherever I can. I also like to use the rebozo wherever possible. So those are just the top three that I could come pick up. If not, it's normally getting water or snacks. I have done that a few times.
Nikki: Absolutely, because you don't realize, one, how thirsty you can be. And if you're running a marathon, I always like to compare it to a marathon. If you're running a marathon, you can't run a marathon on empty. You need fuel. Birth is the same thing. You need fuel to be able to birth. And without that fuel, you're just going to exhaust out. So yeah, absolutely, getting food is a fantastic thing. I know, I'm trying to think back of my doulas. I actually, pardon me, felt bad for my second, my last birth, my second doula. I had two doulas out of my four pregnancies, and I literally just hung off her to birth. So you're talking about gravity. I literally had my arms around her neck and because all of a sudden I was like, nope, baby's coming, baby's coming now. And I just got, and I just literally hung off her and I just birthed hanging off of her. And I'm like, probably not how we expected this birth to go, but it is what it is.
Elisabeth: Birth is the most unexpected thing ever like even though we can have conversations about like Oh, what would we do if this situation or what would we do in that situation? and it will not go at all like we thought or you know, I There's just so many unexpected. Like I said, I live in Saskatchewan, so it's very rural. So, you know, I am just waiting. Like I have it in my head mentally that one day we're going to have to just pull on the side of the road and it's going to be in the car. Like I just know one day it's going to happen because like some of my clients are like 45 minutes plus an hour or hour and a half away from a hospital. And you know, if you just leave a little too late, Absolutely. Or things speed up sometimes, you know.
Nikki: You don't realize how quickly my one birth, from the moment I walked through the hospital doors, got upstairs, the parents arrived, literally about five minutes before he came earthside. They almost missed it because it went so quickly. One, two, three. It was, I think in under an hour, he was earthside. I'm like, whew, this is the fastest one yet. I'm like, let's do this again. I was like, that was great.
Elisabeth: Well, when they go fast, that's why I always try to explain to some of my clients too, because I'm further away from some of them, there's a chance that I may even miss it. So I always like to try to explain to them, it's like, that's not a bad thing, because that means that it went so smooth. I always say that's a great benefit right there. If you could get it, as much as I would be very sad if I had to miss it, I would be at the same time like, yay.
Nikki: Because it means it was uncomplicated, everything was going smooth, baby knew exactly what to do, mom knew exactly what to do. And typically, it's more the emotional psychological part of if you weren't expecting it, that is more the after effect of needing support that way versus physically because birth is natural. Our bodies are meant to birth. And so if everything is going, you know, you have an uncomplicated pregnancy, And it goes quickly.
Elisabeth: That's that's fantastic Exactly and a lot a lot of times we hear that you know, we need all these outside support Interventions things like that and so when you have and those are totally necessary in some situations But right off the get-go, I don't need to be like, oh you're expecting well, you're gonna need an induction and you're gonna need a This done or maybe there's gonna be forceps needed like those aren't automatically the standard I guess what I would say So when we get to teach women like you in your position as well when we get to teach them that like hey You've got this, you know, trust yourself believe in yourself It kind of helps so that's that that really puts a a notion of believing in yourself can make you more empowered to do the things and
Nikki: Yeah, and I find… Absolutely. And that's where I find, like, Hollywood, it does not depict birth how a typical birth is. And then you have that fear that gets put into your mind if you're pregnant, if it's your first birth, or you maybe had, you know, maybe a hiccup, or, you know, something didn't go as you had planned, and then you have that in your mind. then you're kind of stuck in that fear pattern maybe because all you see on TV are women screaming bloody murder and swearing at their spouse of, you're never doing this to me again and all these crazy things of like, and that's not the norm. You can have a peaceful birth. I have had three amazing peaceful births out of my four and even my one that had a hiccup afterwards. The birth itself, it was absolutely amazing. I was calm. I squatted beside the hospital bed and I remember pivoting being like, oh wait, my midwife actually needs to receive the baby. And I was able to pivot my body because I'm like, she can't really receive the baby if I'm squatting this way. And it can be beautiful and peaceful and amazing, but you have to train yourself for that also.
Elisabeth: Yes, and like you were saying with Hollywood, I remember when I first started becoming a doula, we were re-watching the movie. Daughter of the Bride, or I'm trying to think what it was called now. It's with Steve Martin.
SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
Elisabeth: It's from like the 90s or something like that.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
Elisabeth: And the mother and the daughter are pregnant at the same time. And Steve Martin and, or who's that other one that's funny from?
Nikki: I can't remember. It was Father of the Bride, though, was the movie.
Elisabeth: Oh, thank you.
Nikki: That's the title. Yeah, I'm horrible with actor names.
Elisabeth: Martin Short. Yes. Martin Short, he's in there. So it's hilarious, because they're all running around, like, ah, panicking. And I remember my brother, because he was like, 16, 15 at the time, and he was like, Oh, this doesn't really happen. Right, Lisa? And he looked my way, because I'm like, No, no, I mean, there may be some chaos sometimes. I mean, if there's two different women pregnant at the same time, maybe that would give a little chaos.
Nikki: And both going into delivery at the same time. It's like, where do I go? Who do I support? Yeah, exactly.
Elisabeth: So that chaos I could totally see be there. But the speed and the, oh my, we need to go to the hospital right now. Otherwise, it's all over.
Nikki: Yeah, I know. I always laugh. And it's like, my water broke. And it's like, we need to go this second. I'm like, you've got time. You've got time. Relax. Put your feet up. Go have yourself a glass of water, have a bath, read a book, go to the movies if you want. I wanted to go to the movies during my first labor and my husband laughed at me and I'm like, I'm totally down with going to the movies. I'm like, we got time, we got hours, man, and we did for that one. But yeah, he laughed at me on that one.
Elisabeth: Well, it's just it's interesting to think because that when you watch things like that, then your mindset is, oh, if the water breaks, we go immediately. Like if I don't, the baby's going to be born right here. And so when you give the information like, hey, you know, you've got a little time, we don't need a really like panic rush here. And that alone can help relieve some of those stressors that can make birth more tense. And we need that to not be so tense.
Nikki: Exactly. Exactly. Awesome. And now, do you ever use any aromatherapy in your practice with your clients? I do.
Elisabeth: I usually use a diffuser if they ask. I have one in my bag. But I was recently informed that I shouldn't.
Nikki: We, we, so we're laughing because this is actually our second take of this podcast. We recorded this probably about a month ago and somehow the recording disappeared. Um, and so, yeah, it's, uh, but yeah, no, I actually don't recommend diffusers because when baby comes earth side, the first thing they want to do is bond with parents and babies do that best through scent. So if we're diffusing essential oils in the air. that covers the parent's natural scent. And so they can't, not that they can't find their food easier because, you know, got that magic hour, they're sniffing for breast milk and doing the crawl up. So it'll help cover that scent of breast milk, help cover the scent of parents that is so important for bonding. And also for parents to baby, right? Like having, when mom smells that their newborn baby's head, like that in itself helps with colostrum and milk production. And so again, it would be masking that scent. And also, what you like during pregnancy is so different in labor and birthing. When you're birthing, you might have an oil that you absolutely love during pregnancy, and as soon as those hormones spike for birth, it might be the worst smell on earth for you, which is what happened to me on my second birth. It was like my blend that was my saving grace with a toddler, not even a toddler, He was 18 months when my second was born. And so it was, you know… It's tough when you have two under two, but I had this blend I absolutely loved. It was, you know, I used it every day, just a nice little smell to kind of reground myself, especially end of pregnancy. And I was so excited to use it during birth. I couldn't chuck that thing out the window fast enough type thing. It was so disgusting. It honestly was so putrid of an aroma that if we had diffused it or put it on me topically or things like that, I don't know what I would have done because I just couldn't get rid of it fast enough. And so our hormones do so many fun things to us when we're breathing that we might all of a sudden not like an aroma anymore. And we can't dissipate that when it's diffusing or even when we apply things topically.
Elisabeth: Well, I have used it with those massages that I've told you about. I normally mix a coconut oil and use that one. But yeah, it was prior to our conversation. I mean, that is a use.
Nikki: But yeah, in a massage, especially when you were talking about those gentle massages or those hip squeeze massages, a nice little bit of… I always used black pepper because black pepper was just my go-to hip massages, things like that. I loved it. Or the lavender or sweet orange, neroli, things like that are, I love to use during those just to help calm and massage. Awesome. Do you have one that's kind of like a more go-to?
Elisabeth: I have had the peppermint been used a lot. That has been a really good scent that people have liked. Even sometimes I would put it on the pillowcase and just the smell of that kind of helps sometimes. Because you know yourself to nausea, right? With labor. So that one a lot of times people pick. I normally kind of have a little display so they kind of get to pick which one they like a little bit. I have the yang-lang. I never know if I'm pronouncing that correctly. I'm like, it sounds like there should be the L's pronounced. Yang-lang, yang-lang. I'm trying to think of what the other ones are in my bag. I have so many that I'm forgetting off the top of my head. But yeah, the most used are those two that we mentioned. Nice, yeah.
Nikki: I like to use lemon a lot for nausea. And then the cotton ball trick. So I always like to have cotton balls where you just put a drop on the cotton ball And then they can kind of hold that and smell that. So like have it in a little baggie or something so they can kind of smell it in the baggie. This way, you know, it's something easy that they can toss if they don't like the aroma of it all of a sudden again. And then baby doesn't smell it afterwards either.
Elisabeth: Who is the tips for me or them? Teaching me fun stuff at the same time. No, I don't know if I have, I don't think I have lemon actually. So that's good to know to add to the bag. I do have like an orange citrus kind of one blend.
Nikki: That'll be good too. Yeah. I always find citrus. Um, it just helps like shift that mood and it does actually, there's a lot, uh, there are studies that have shown lemon, especially in like first trimester, which, Let's be real, morning sickness is one, not a first trimester only, and two, not a morning thing, which I absolutely hate the name morning sickness, but it is what it is. And a lot of times it comes back during birthing also. So first trimester you have it, it disappears, and all of a sudden you're birthing, and it's like, and it's back. Yay. Thanks. But yeah, I find lemon always worked the best for that. And there's been some great studies that show it's really, really good for nausea. So always a plus.
SPEAKER_00: Note to self to add it.
Nikki: And what about, I know we were talking about earlier too, like birth plans, things like that, on just kind of like empowering the person who's birthing. What are your thoughts behind birth plans?
Elisabeth: Well, a lot of people don't love the term birth plan because can we plan the unpredictable? But I always like to tell people it's a way to have conversations about all of the different options a little bit. So I'm always kind of team birth plan. I have a birth planning prenatal and I recently just had one again. the amount of times where there are options or thoughts that never came up as an option like Here the NICU is actually in the biggest city so you may have to get your baby to go two hours away from you if You know or even further sometimes to go to the NICU So, you know there are a lot of topics of conversation like who would go with? you know and just I had brought it up as a subject and they were like I You know, I never even thought of that. And so it's not really about planning, as I like to say. It's always more just about, you know, what's a guideline? What are we knowing for options? Do you want an episiotomy? Do we want forceps or a vacuum? Or, you know, what are a little bit of our wants? And then in the moment, what will we do if our wants weren't being met? And could we get the next alternative? So having that topic beforehand of like, hey, here's all this information you probably didn't think about before, just brought up as a subject really can give them such a guidance to go forward. So I'm definitely team, team birth plan or, you know, guideline or however you like to say birth wishes, right?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
Elisabeth: Yeah.
Nikki: And, you know, cause the first time you have this discussion isn't when you're six centimeters dilated. That's not the time to be thinking of answering these questions, and that's where everyone in the room should be on board of what it is. Again, like you said, things can be flexible. They should be flexible. It's not like it's written in stone and these are what it must be. However, I've totally seen in mom groups where it's like, this is what it is, and this is what it's going to be. Well, baby might have other ideas. I hate to break it to you, but realistically, baby has the final say. And if baby chooses different to come at a different time or to come that isn't in a convenient way for you, then that's what's going to happen, unfortunately. Surprise. And so, yeah, I agree that that guideline is really, really nice. What about when you get challenged by the practitioner in the room? So you're there with your client, they have specifically stated they want maybe holistic support, or they don't want to have an epidural, or they don't want to have an episiotomy, or they don't want to be monitored 24-7, because let's be real, that's not needed either. And they're just kind of, the person who's birthing is not being heard. Any tips on that?
Elisabeth: Well, normally before the birth happens, I like to, with the birth planning prenatal, get everyone kind of like little bit themed to their roles. So I always like to really, if they have a partner, try to be like they will be your main guide and voice. There's different types of doulas, and I always like to say that I know that I am not I'm not your voice, so if I speak up and say, like, hey, she said you didn't want this, what are they going to listen to me? I'm just technically a nobody. I'm not, you know, your mother. I am not your partner. Like, I don't really have the same type of voice as the partner would or other people in the room that you might hire. or have there. So I always like to try to give them all the voice before labor a little bit. So you know, I really try to encourage partner like, hey, if you hear, you know, your partner is upset, and just really does not want something, stand up for her say, or, you know, say to them that, you know, we don't want this. or you know need more time to think. I love that one. I'm always like and sometimes I'll prod that a little bit too. I'll be like hey did we just need a few more minutes or did you want to think about this a little longer just as a question. I love to play dumb. I always like to say I'm like when I'm there you might think I'm stupid.
SPEAKER_02: I'm just sitting there and I'm like oh but didn't we Did we talk about that before? Or what was that you were saying about this subject?
Elisabeth: And I love it because, you know, it just gets them to then remember, oh, yeah, I have a say, I don't need to do something. So that's my main thing is really try to have the conversations before beforehand. You know, if you are going to have a few more people in the room, maybe you want your your mother or you know some people want their father like just you really need to have the conversations beforehand of what you want get everyone like you said on board to know the same rhythm because sometimes we need a bodyguard team we need to pretend we're the president of the united states and have 12 bodyguards around us um that is always my favourite motto that when you go you're gonna have a really really good bodyguard in place and you know it's it's more of just that when there are more witnesses if anything they're less likely to really go against what you want when there are more witnesses because you know it's easy to say oh this happened a certain thing just between two people but when you've got like three other people that all saw the same Like, their chances of being a little more difficult would be a little less, I think, just because more voice, right?
Nikki: Yeah, and more likely to listen. And, you know, and this is different versus a medical emergency. What we're talking about right now isn't like a medical emergency of, you know, Something drastic is happening and you know medical team has to rush in Totally totally different from what we're talking about right now of just you know sometime being pressured into birthing on your back Let's say or taking an epidural when you don't want an epidural you're handling birthing just you know, okay And that type of thing and it is it's just you know, having those reminders sometimes is important Because what's most important is the person who's birthing and how they're comfortable not the timeline of the doctor or the midwife or whoever the professional is that's in the birth room. You're not going off their timeline, but you're going off baby's timeline and that's what's more important.
Elisabeth: And sadly, I have witnessed a birth where it was even a midwife, which I was really surprised at the time. And they were giving birth in the hospital, but their midwife was present. And it was like during every single contraction, she would go, oh, I don't think you're handling these well. You should get an epidural. And it was like every time during the contraction, and if you, you know that little voice where you hear it like consistently in your head, that's gonna make you feel like your power is slowly, it's like, oh, I'm not doing good at this, this is not working. And she even had like the birth tub, and it was like, I thought she was doing great, but… So anyway, the midwife, I don't know what had happened. She had left for a little bit and I like looked at her I was like, hey, is this something you really want? like you told me you really really did not want an epidural at all costs and She's like, yeah, I don't think I'm doing good at this anymore and I should get the epidural and I was like my heart hurt because I felt like And and sometimes doulas were there witnessing things and we you know, like I said, we're not anything really important so we're just there to witness things happen and I almost wanted to be like, maybe we should try another half an hour of this. But she was at that point just feeling really given up, you know, like she really just felt that like, I don't see the point anymore. I guess I'm not do and then you know the downhill from the interventions And so it was just like really hard disheartening I was up three days with her and I remember coming home and it was like 8 a.m In the morning could not go to sleep to almost midnight that night because I was still so why?
Nikki: About everything that I had seen just knowing yeah Yeah, no to take away her power that way of telling her she's not doing it when she actively is. That is, that's a little heartbreaking.
Elisabeth: Well, especially if it's during your contraction. Like, I'm always like, if I've got a migraine, this is not the time to ask me which room should be tiled. Like, don't start coming up with things in the middle of a very painful moment. Like, maybe wait a little bit.
Nikki: Right. You can wait one minute to ask your question until that surge has passed. Like, very rare do they last longer than a minute, even if it's two minutes. You can wait a moment, take a breath, and then ask your question. Or if it's during that time, ask the partner. Hey, we need to talk about this, so after this search is done, let's discuss this. So that it's at least, you know, not forgotten, it's on the table, things like that. Absolutely, absolutely. And now if people don't want to have an epidural let's say or medical interventions. What kind of things do you often?
Elisabeth: support with Well, I have a tens machine. So I always bring that along with me. So there's like the L tens or the OB tens Like I said, I mentioned the proposal. I have the comb I have a lot of like heat and cold packs because you never know some people get chills some people feel like oh so hot and if Possible like if the birthing suite does have like baths or showers like get in I'm always like let's try the water I remember one time this client had just stalled like it really was going slow and it was stalling and I was like Why don't we try the shower? Do you want to go for like get that a little bit on it? She almost gave birth in the show. It was so fast. I was like, oh my like it I don't drink a hot chocolate extra large from Tim Hortons right before you think something might happen. I remember I was like in misery that whole time. I was like never doing that again. Repeat to any partner going today. Do not drink actively large beverages. That's funny.
Nikki: That's so funny. Yeah. And it is. Water's so It's calming, it takes the stress off the muscles, off the mind, because a lot of times it's just that mind block that happens, and then once you can relax, it's like, okay. birth can start again. I know nipple stimulation is also another good one. If they have a breast pump, they can actually pump, which will help reactivate a lot of those hormones to help birth again. But yeah, the TENS machine is always really, really great. I have one, but I never used it. I didn't end up using it. I didn't end up needing it, which was a good thing. But I do have one and I was always like, oh, I kind of wanted to use it.
Elisabeth: And those are so hard to come by now because they stopped like making them here in Canada or getting them. So there was like even a local doula next to me and she was retiring. So she was giving like all of her stuff for 150. I'm like, sold like and the only thing that I was like stand out really needed was that TENS machine because I'm like I will definitely take a backup and you know hospitals don't have it as a means of something no it is looking and if you're not hiring a doula there are people that rent it out so like look in your area to see if there is a TENS rental because a lot of times there are and it's not a bad rate I mean some of them I seen for like I think it was 80 bucks for five weeks that you get it yeah so no that's really really great there's always options out there a little bit so As long as you know the different tips.
Nikki: Yes. And what made me think, too, what you said earlier was a comb. And just this past week, I saw a mom in my local group asking, you know, about different things and people were suggesting combs. And she was like, is there a specific comb? And people were actively recommending that she needed to go out and buy this comb from a birthing agency. I don't know. I don't know where it was from. But it was like a ridiculous amount price for a comb. I'm like, go to the dollar store and buy any old comb.
SPEAKER_02: Those are mine in my bag.
Nikki: I'm like, a $0.99 comb from the dollar store is going to work. I mean, nothing actually at the dollar store is a dollar anymore. No. But find any kind of cheap comb. And it's just the, so if you ever think like, does it need to be a special comb?
Elisabeth: No, it doesn't. Oh, hearing that just makes me a little sad because, you know, people, I mean, I adore some of the fancy combs too. I've literally been like, maybe I'll even just like get that for myself for Christmas or something, even though, you know, I don't need it right now. But, you know, at the same time, like you said, the tool is just the pressure points. Yes. So it is literally just holding on to a comb because you know those combs and I love the value packs that you get like a bunch in there because sometimes they do snap and you know or you clutch it really really tight or some of them have like the
Nikki: The comb parts are closer together versus farther apart. So it can feel a little different depending on what kind you have, things like that. But yeah, like exactly.
SPEAKER_02: Just get any comb.
Nikki: Just when you mentioned that, that popped into my head, which then also made me think. There's also no, for any new parents listening, there's also no special sponge that you need to bathe your baby after baby's born. I had this with my first set of IPs. They actively thought that they had to buy a special sponge to bathe baby. And I was sitting there, I had the doctors working on me, and I'm yelling across the room, who told you this? That's not true. Any old washcloth will do, any clean washcloth will do. You don't need anything special to birth baby. Just hold baby and bathe them and wait several weeks too. which I've done since my first birth, where I'm like, no, you don't need to bathe baby either, like within 24 hours. But yeah, all that, I find the specialty stuff out there that they get for pregnancy and new parents, babies are just extravagant.
Elisabeth: Well, it's just, it's really well marketed. Like you see it online, like oftentimes, you know, we have social media as our biggest influence. In the past a few generations before I was TV like that was really Hollywood whatever but now it's Influenced by social media. So if you see the top people with the most millions of fans and they just are pregnant there Oh, I bought this Frida thing and I got this fancy Maternity gown and and you're sitting there and you're like this whole thing is gonna cost thousands because you're like this is what you need when in terms that's all just the influence of it like they're I there are great wonderful things out there a dime a dozen that you can find but at the same time you know the bare minimum if you think of our ancestors was you had hot water and towels and you know some clams and so you you could think that labor really doesn't need all the stuff it's just It's nice stuff. It's like when you get a fancy dress or a fancy purse or something. It's just accessories really to birth. Like you said, dollar store combs, any old washcloth, it's going to work.
Nikki: It's going to work. That brings me back to the value of a doula. A lot of people don't see the value of a doula, and I hope this podcast has really showed the value of a doula, but we go out as new parents and spend thousands on the best of the best cribs, the best of the best car seat, the best of the best stroller, the best of the best clothes, and all these cute little outfits, and bows, and tutus, and suspenders, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's great, because you want to have the best when baby's here, or the best when you're pregnant. What about the best during birth itself? So remember that. Everyone thinks about pregnancy. Everyone thinks about when baby's earth side and actually there, and you want to baby the baby. You want to pamper the baby. But don't forget the birth itself. This is so crucial. So I'm going to kind of shout this, remember your own birth and how doulas can be beneficial. And I really, really hope that we were able to highlight some of that in this episode. And I think that's a great spot to kind of wrap this up. Before we say goodbye, any last tips that you would like to share with our listeners?
Elisabeth: even if you can't get a dual for whatever reason, maybe it's not accessible in your area or whatever it be, really just look to yourself, ask what you want and how you can start learning to say no, how learning to talk to people of what you actually want. Those boundaries are just so important when it comes to, you know, beyond your medical care team. goes into family or into however you want it, just really learn to say no, even if it is as simple as like, do you want peas with your dinner? No, just say no and learn to have that, that it's okay, you're not gonna get in trouble for saying no, it's just because you don't want it. So I think that's where I'll end it, because I think that's really important and I've been having to really repeat that lately.
Nikki: I love that. I love that we don't say no enough. So that is a very great reminder. Thank you. And if people want to connect with you, where can they find you?
Elisabeth: They pretty much could just type up my name. I'm a little bit everywhere. Or they could type in at Fruitful Wound Doula. I've got lots of social medias with lots of tips and information. I love to give information for free. I have a website, fruitfulwomb.ca, so I really hope that regardless of me or you or anyone, just get the help you need to make everything go smoothly, hopefully.
Nikki: Right, absolutely. And we'll have all your contact information in the show notes below. So thank you so much for coming on and thank you to all of our listeners. I hope everyone has a fantastic day. Bye!
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Show music: Happy Dreams - By David Fesliyan
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